Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
