It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize