I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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