And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
