I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
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