The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
