In the future we'll all be gay
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
