'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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