We won't sleep together?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
