The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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