Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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