you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
