So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
