I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
