I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
We named our party play list daddy issues
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I think your dad took our porno
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
