her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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