It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
