I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I need moral support for this bender
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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