You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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