I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
