Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
