yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
