My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
