they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
