I'm lost and stupid without you.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Randomize
