AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
