I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
