I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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