Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He? As in you personified your dick?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
