After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
