So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
