took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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