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I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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