I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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