So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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