I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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