Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Define "chronic" masturbator.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
