his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
