I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
