Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
