those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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