I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
