would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
