Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
