If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Your dad touched me again.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
