I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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