You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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