So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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