apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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