Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Randomize
