i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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