He kissed a someone with a penis
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
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