A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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