what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
