you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
