i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
