yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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