Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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