She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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