If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
