I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
