He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
