dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
