all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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