He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
