My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
