We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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