I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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