he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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