Swine flu. Run for my life!
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
