Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
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